Tonight I realize I need to head into a more chronological direction with all of this. I need to rip whatever social inebriation my heart holds and smear all of its forsaken blood onto this blank gap, and maybe then I wouldn't feel so estranged and lonely while simultaneously imagining a beautiful girl in my arms to dominate for the night until I move onto the next one.
My mind is constantly in a paradox, looking for reformation whenever a semblance exists.
"This is your only problem: there are many trees that remain ubiquitous around you in the field, Lausnes. Each one grows one particular kind of apple, and all you continue to do is to just go to the same tree over and over to pick the same apples, only to find that there's a worm in each and every one you pick. You will always continue to find a worm in the apples of that very tree regardless, try as you might. Instead, walk to the other side of the field and pick the apples from the trees to the north."
-My Father
~~~
I tread as a blind man in all of this, subjecting my admitted inexperience into oblivion in front of a man that has already walked my path. Although it is only one piece of his revelations unto me that I have revealed, it is a major one that I am still unwilling to elaborate on for all the right reasons. I have had my glass of wine tonight, listened to my lounge music, and am ready to live for tomorrow. It seems as time goes on the more I realize I cannot stop loving glamor, sexy music, urban views from opulent dinner tables, and sophistication.
Good night to you once again from the depths of a classy night, lovely.
It was then as I sat at the desk reading his words through Skype that I thought to myself: I feel composed, yet my heart burns at my sensual inability to be satiable. I feel like the caged lion in the rain itching for every ounce of sexual beauty it can tap into. It still hasn't been released. I want to be the artistic sensualite in the urban rain of the city I long to live in. I want to gracefully fuck to Light Night Alumni with our wine glasses to the side with the city down below us.
Within these young years, I move like a ramming breeze toward my dreams with absolute determination. On nights like these before I go out on my run, I feel like my desire for a woman's body reaches the same peak as a brain freeze. A distinctive power takes over me, and I begin to make sure I hold onto my composure. I then transform into the dominating male, ready to toss her and fuck her as I please. I feel suffocated, and the only thing I can do now is to continue to try to dominate my own demons, and find a girl as insatiable as I am.
Then my masterful father, as I speak to him, says to me with composed eyes a single word: "Wait."
I follow his words, as everything remains unfinished. Tomorrow morning I begin my career in the midst of all of these young thoughts.
I want to continue to another blog, yet I cannot find anything as simple as Xanga to use. Before I begin another story, I need to see where I can take my writing abilities to. Any ideas would be appreciated.
I am moving to Wordpress to continue my stories. If you can tell me you are still reading this, then I may consider continuing my writing here, otherwise I am moving onto there. You can view as you wish everything there and here in the open to your heart's content. I will do everything in my power to make sure this Pandora's Box will never be opened. I will repost stories from the past and present that I have neglected to write of until now.
